New Year…Same Me?
Mariah Lord, MA, LMFT 
January 4, 2025I can easily say that CGP Grey’s video, “Your Theme,” is my most-watched YouTube video. Each time I revisit it or share it with someone, I take away something new. The video resonates because of how Grey non-judgmentally captures the universal struggle of sticking to personal goals and offers a fresh, more forgiving approach to behavior change. I highly recommend watching the embedded video, as I’ll be expanding on its concepts throughout this blog.
Your Theme - CGP Grey
Rigidity of Goal Setting
Grey’s thesis is that we are more likely to succeed in becoming the versions of ourselves we want to be if we move away from rigid goals and narrow definitions of success. Instead, he suggests embracing a broader, values-based understanding of what we are striving for. Hyper-specific goal-setting, while well-intentioned, often creates more opportunities to feel like we’re failing, even when we’re making meaningful progress.
In mental health care, clinicians are trained to use SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound) for treatment plans. For those billing insurance, this structure is often mandatory. While I appreciate the research and utility behind SMART goals, I’ve often felt constrained by them—and Grey’s video helped validate why. By focusing narrowly on measurable outcomes, we risk overlooking the deeper, unplanned growth that emerges during therapy.
For example, if a client seeks therapy to reduce anxiety impacting their social life, a SMART goal might read:
“Client will reduce the impact of social anxiety as evidenced by an increase in social engagement from once to three times per month over three months.”
While this objective is measurable, it doesn’t capture the complexity of therapeutic progress. The real work might involve the client redefining their self-concept or recognizing that their current social circle isn’t aligned with their values. This might lead to a grieving process for unfulfilled relationships rather than increased social engagement. On paper, this looks like failure. In reality, it’s profound growth, laying the foundation for a more meaningful life.
Real behavior change often involves pivoting as we uncover new insights. While we may start therapy thinking we know what will make us happier, the process often leads to unexpected realizations—and that’s where true growth happens.
Broadening the Scope
Grey suggests starting with broad themes rather than rigid goals. This perspective allows us to see more opportunities for growth. For example, a client aiming to socialize more might realize their deeper need is fulfilling attachment in relationships—something their current social group can’t provide.
This example also highlights a flaw in the medical model of therapy mandated by insurance. The model pathologizes issues like “social anxiety” without considering the possibility that this anxiety reflects a deeper wisdom: the recognition that one’s social environment isn’t safe for vulnerability.
By adopting a broader focus, such as a theme of “Connectedness to Others,” the client’s progress—whether it involves reevaluating relationships or making space for new ones—remains aligned with their goals. Broad themes reduce shame from unmet expectations and celebrate unforeseen growth.
Opportunities for Newness
Our brains create neural pathways based on repeated patterns. These pathways become shortcuts, making habits and thought patterns automatic. However, our brains are adaptable—through neuroplasticity, we can replace old pathways with new ones over time.
Behavior change often starts with recognizing opportunities to act differently. At first, we may only notice these moments after the fact. Over time, we catch them in the moment, even if we don’t act differently yet. Eventually, we do—and even small changes represent significant growth. Broad themes help us connect these moments to a larger purpose, making each step meaningful.
Get Creative
Grey proposes imagining a “theme-bot” as a guide, helping you notice opportunities for growth. If this resonates, great! But your guide doesn’t have to be a robot. It could be a mentor, therapist, or symbolic figure who represents clarity and wisdom. For some, it might be a feeling—like a pull or vibration—rather than a visual.
Whatever form it takes, having a symbolic representation of your theme can strengthen your ability to access your wisest self in moments of choice. This imaginative tool supports the broader, more compassionate process of growth and behavior change.